my parents love my sister more than memy parents love my sister more than me

5)Change you dynamic. But, I get what youre saying as well. While I dont blame her for the petty tit-for-tat thoughts (Ive done it too, in my weaker moments), I do think the amount of thought and emotional effort shes put into this is insane. I cant really comment on whether your situation is fair with your parents helping out your sister. Shes getting married this year and I dont know if the Bank of Mom and Dad will close or not But the point is, we fortunately dont *need* our parents help, and I know it gives my husband a sense of pride and accomplishment that what we have earned what we haveit was not given to us. As for the money, Wendy is right- If you want money, ask for it. I bet her tail is wagging She does this for 3 hours straight. IDreamofElectricSheep Feel it out, vent when and where you can in a healthy way and let it go. KKZ, yes! However, I do NOT worry about situations where I cannot control my impulses to snap at my parents about this and I definitely (DEFINITELY!!!) Exactly. LBH, Im on your side. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. My Marriage is Falling Apart. Perhaps talk to your parents at an appropriate time, away from other family members. So, I guess Im just lucky that Ive never felt that resentment. She's never smiled at you the way she smiles at the dog. What to Do When My Parents Love My Younger Brother More Than Me? Stay And her family did that all the time. I think in my will especially I would want to do this. Yes it could be related to other things-but this is what the LW gave us. Constantly running to mommy to bail you out of lifes problemsyou never learn to be an adult. And Im worried about it being seen as unfair even though none of this has even happened yet. So don't take the results too seriously! Why Do My Parents Hate Me But Love My Siblings? A year later my mom was telling me about how my poor sister had a heart murmur and I commented so we both have one, and my mom lectured me about how rude it was to try to steal my sisters condition. I told my mother I dont want to know about it anymore. Even if money doesnt equal love, does time equal love? I have no problems asking for help, but they also offer a lot (not in an enabling way, in a we are still the parents and get to buy you dinner no matter how old you are kind of way) and there are also certain circumstances where I pay them back in other ways. What a nice surprise until I pull the comforter down to get in when I was going to bed, only to find that the comforter had a huge, unwashed bloody spot right where it would be next to my face. They didnt give her $250k right? Instead try opening up to your parents more about YOUR financial situation. lets_be_honest Im glad we talked about it so theres no surprises and I know where the paperwork is (if you dont know this, you should find out! I hope that these thoughts and the resentment you hold is rooted in the belief you are not the favorite or that your parents love your sister more. Oh, so this comment above is the one where you decided it was ok to say hurtful things. The most important issue here is separating your resentment of your sisters behavior from anything your parents have or havent done. But I feel like my parents care more about supporting my sister, financially and otherwise, than they care about supporting me. As a mother of more than one kid you absolutely cannot give equal time and attention to each kid. I would laugh to myself as I looked at my bank account statements and revel in my responsible adultness. Anytime parents have to get sneaky and hide stuff, they know that they are doing something wrong and try to hide it. What matters is what she chooses to do with her feelings. I know this is an old thread, but I had to respond because of the recent comment from Mike, whom Im convinced is my own father (name ACTUALLY Mike, by the way). muchachaenlaventana Ultimately, you hanging onto it isnt going to change how your parents act, how they give to your sister and how they give (or dont) to you. Like Im in charge of medical decisions if anyone is mentally incapacitated, and Im glad thats not going to be a surprise IF it ever happens. ? should not be at the forefront of anyones mind. When my parents did give my brother a large sum about 6 years ago I didnt even bat an eye. Theres your mom on the day of your graduation, the time you called to tell her you got your first book dealand theres your mom with the dog. You can make sure that you apply your family rules to all of your children equally. She didn't get involved in the wedding arrangements; she couldn't find any time for. expensive) presents, complain that I never go out anywhere (because I cant), complain that I dress badly (i.e. November 20, 2013, 2:07 pm. Hey, I know how you feel. lets_be_honest My Parents Love My Sister More Than Me | Part 2 - YouTube I hurt! My son is acting more like the parent to his younger half brother. Basically she just said suck it up buttercup and move on. No need to mention that they helped your sister, they already know that you know, right? November 20, 2013, 11:54 am. Grilledcheesecalliope How do you know if one person is more ashamed to ask (because usually the good ones always are) and they may need money in urgency or emotional support but are not given? Maybe Im just making more of an observation. It just didnt seem to be the case in her letter. Im expected to be the will executer and handle the property situation when the time comes but I know all the assets will be divided equally and she will get the house she lives in. DO MY PARENTS LOVE MY SISTER MORE THAN ME? Oh. That its hard to see your sister get rewarded for not being responsible and maybe they dont realize it isnt really helping her future to bail her out. November 20, 2013, 4:34 pm. What happens when the parents are gone? You wont actually feel better if they stopped supporting her, because shed still be fiscally irresponsible (and probably coming to you for money!) And dont see our parents as banks or that were entitled to their money? And if it bothers you, take a big breath, think about what exactly about it bothers you, and try to make them understand. What, you want them to deduct from your sisters share all of the money they loaned her in the past? Hes really struggled with school, and got fired from his first (only) job. If you think you are likely to explode over Thanksgiving maybe you and your husband could take a short trip instead. I didnt feel compelled to respond because you said it one time and frankly it wasnt worth the argument. muchachaenlaventana Yeah, I have no clue whats in my parents will, & neither, Id assume, does my brother, & I dont. And now I get to go have a work birthday lunch, and I hope it involves beer. Have they thought of that?? I get feeling upset or angry that your sister hasnt planned and managed her finances as well, and is therefore a burden on your parents, but that is your sister, and you should come to terms with it. I like to think of it as subtle snark. My mom is really great at making the room look okay if you just glanced in, like my dad might, but having nasty little surprises hidden away. I also live 1,000 miles away from her which helps! I think I might feel the same way if the situation were reversed as long as they had the same attitude that I do. So stop. Personally, I dont think that LBH deserved the flack for saying her personal opinion which in the beginning dealt with nothing more than this one particular LW feeling as though she was entitled to her parents money, even though she did not need it. I cant really stand my stepparents, and thats on a good day. November 20, 2013, 4:05 pm. This year will be the first time they have offered to keep and send our older child to camp and they really dont know about much more than a week. You make the erroneous assumption that the parent child relationship is fair and just.. What you fail to conceive of, because of your own normal upbringing, is what you have never lived that parents can and do it one child and love another. This may be the first time Ive ever thumbed up one of your comments. And in this case, it doesnt even sound as though your sister needs the help. They arent buying her a house. lets_be_honest She began asking for parental love and resources as soon is she learned to walk and talk. If you feel like you are over-engaging in your parents comfort without getting any support back, back off. Theyre people, too, and the more they have to sink into non-self-sufficient children, the less thats left to pay for their retirement. Grilledcheesecalliope I mean to her in this moment, the issue is the money. Filed . I think thats a great point jlyfsh! I think your situation is mostly like my mothers her siblings all get help houses, groceries, cars, whatever. Its pretty ironic you keep calling me mean while telling me Im a self righteous, smug bitch. but then I think maybe I dont. I get that a few people meant it different ways, but still surprising to see so many suggest that to resolve this. My husband has received very little financial assistance from his parents since he graduated high school 15+ years ago. I suspect its because your tone is so smug and self-righteous its enough to make one physically gag. It is really warped and hard to believe and hard to explain but there are parents who have a one child mind. But, my parents are both part of huge families when my dads final parent passed away, I watched his 8 siblings and their spouses fight over dumb crap like old bongo drums, and my mom is the only one of her siblings that has not needed financial help from her parents throughout her adult life. You dont have to go to their home and watch them favor your sister day in and day out. MY LITTLE SISTER IS A MINI MACKENZIE!! Was Brothers & Sisters TV Show aired Sunday 13th? Or maybe your relationship with your family is strong enough in other aspects that the money part doesnt hurt you like it would in a family with a different dynamic. What usually happens is that the favored child gets lots of help and then the parents die or they end up in a home and they need all of their money. It is unreasonable to have a normal expectation where the family is dysfunctional. The times you have to go back home to walk the dog youre always surprised by how popular she is. You make assumptions about the relationship your sister has with your parents, but the truth is you dont know everything. How much time will my brother get for stealing $300 from our sister? Its contextual. The money issues are the symptom, not the disease. My mom has bailed my brother out of debt several times and he continues to ask her for money. When my brother commited suicide, my parents covered my younger sister with gifts, she even got to fly to NYC (600 plane ticket) , my long-time dream. I think the act of skipping Thanksgiving altogether is passive aggressive itself. It isnt fair that some people get sick or some people cant have kids or some people lose spouses. Can you appreciate how difficult it would be as a parent to say no not just to a daughter, but essentially to a grandchild, too? Many parents cant stand it when their children become independent, self-supporting adults, who may still love them enormously, but no longer need them. November 20, 2013, 12:50 pm. Also someone said its not your parents fault that she is irresponsible.How so? How to Deal With Parents That Show Favouritism What is not addressed in this Q&A, there is far more going on in the family dynamic! You say that the black sheep has no right to have any expectations at all because she fails to ask. How about a doggy diploma? They practically run away when we visit and seldom offer to take the kids. One of the top things youre supposed to do as a parent is raise your kids to be self-sufficient, no? . But I do know from experience that if we need help in the future both of our families will be there for us. This person is in charge of finances, this person is in charge of legal, this person is in charge of medical. I think those who havent personally experienced this have trouble understanding those who do because they cant believe that parents are really that way. So perhaps, LW, you could use this situation to empower yourself and look at all that youve accomplished in your independence. What is with people thinking theyre entitled to their parents money?! Shes being irresponsible and actually kind of a jerk for bringing a baby into the world with no idea how to manage her finance. But shes the one who wrote in, and she really should stop talking about the death of her parents that way, its just like sad and disrespectful.